American Idol Drinking Game

OK, so we sort of invented this American Idol drinking game...and I say sort of because I find it really hard to believe that nobody else has thought of this yet and I'm sure that somebody has, I just haven't necessarily stumbled upon it. So, if it turns out that somebody else thought of this exact game way before we did, then fine, take credit - I'm cool with that.

And here's how it goes: While watching American Idol, take one drink any time any of the following occur:

• Paula Abdul acts drunk, loopy, out-of-it, goofy or claps her hands with her fingers all spread apart like a toddler
• Simon uses the words "karaoke" or "cabaret"
• there is a spat between either Simon and Paula or Simon and Ryan
• the contestant follows the camera with their eyes
• the contestant holds up their fingers to indicate their call-in number
• Kellie Pickler says something stupid or doesn't understand something
• Paula, for lack of anything credible to say about the contestant's performance, (or, apparently, when she doesn't really care for the performance but is incapable of offering negative feedback), compliments the contestant's appearance
• Randy says "dawg," "dude," "I wasn't feelin' it," "we got a hot one tonight," "yo,"or "a'ight"
• Ryan has a different facial hair configuration from the week before
• a member of another show from Fox network is in the audience
• a contestant cries
• a contestant does the "Country Western Squat" while singing

So, Should I Laminate the Freebie List?

Remember that episode of Friends - the one with the freebie list? And Ross was going to laminate his freebie list and, before he did, he removed Isabella Rosellini from it because she was too international. But then Isabella showed up at Central Perk and Ross put his foot in his mouth and told her that she used to be on his freebie list but that he'd removed her from it and put Dorothy Hamill there instead (note to Ross: what the hell were you thinking???).

Although I know that this term originated pre-Friends because I remember discussing it with others prior to the airing of that particular episode in the autumn of 1996, I do not know the exact origin of the term (and Wikipedia credits Friends with the coining of the term). Anyone know where/how it started?

Well, without further ado - and to keep me honest - I am, essentially, "laminating" my freebie list by posting it on my blog. Alas, the following are "the five celebrities that, should the opportunity present itself, I get to have sex with without causing any hurt or damage to my current relationship."

Freebie List:

1. Kate Moennig
2. Fairuza Balk
3. Johnny Depp
4. Two-way tie: Constantine Maroulis & David Bowie circa The Berlin Trilogy
5. Three-way (tee-hee) Tie: Angelina Jolie, Jodie Foster & Jenny Shimizu

OK, now I realize that I have two people listed in slot number four and three (ahem) in slot number five. I know that that's sorta like cheating, but here's the deal: since David Bowie circa The Berlin Trilogy doesn't really exist anymore (unless I figure out how to time-travel), then that opportunity wouldn't really ever arise anyway. Which pretty much leaves Constantine Maroulis flying solo in spot number four. And as for slot number five, well, I can think of reasons to keep or lose each one of them (none of which are because they are too international, though), so yeah, here's how that will have to work: that number five slot will be honored on a first-come, first-serve basis, as it's the only fair way to select just one.

Edited to add: Hey, don't tease me about the Jodie Foster thing! That's sorta leftover from my teen years when she used to be kinda butch! And she's still hot! And smart! And mysterious! Plus, I saw her in person one time on the Warner lot when she was working on Home For the Holidays and she was perfectly, fabulously adorable! That moment cemented her spot on my freebie list for life.

AI

As some people know, and others who don't know would never guess, I'm something of an American Idol junkie. I'm not a superdiehard fan who has watched every season, but close enough to be made fun of.

In fact, I am quite guilty of making fun of J when she and Kira were watching early on in Season 2. But one day that all changed and then I had to make up excuses to be in the room while AI was on so that I could watch and hear Clay Aiken. (And it's ok if you are now thinking what a big 'ole dork I must be - I'll accept that). Finally, I just came out and admitted that I loved the guy and that I'm a sucker for certain "Adult Contemporary" music (i.e. Harry Connick, Jr., etc.).

But, still, I tried to downplay my love for all things Clay and would act mortified if anyone referred to me as a Claymate. But it was all totally fake. I must say, though, that I wish that Clay would just come on out and admit to being a big homo - he would be most welcome into our big 'ole rainbow-flag-wavin' family.

Just for the record, I have a major thing for Constantine Maroulis as well. Although it's very different than the major thing I had/have for Clay. Clay, I just love his singing and there are certain songs that he sings that just give me chills (Solitaire, This is the Night, Bridge Over Troubled Water, Unchained Melody...actually, his Mack the Knife was good, too). The guy has pipes, ya know? But Constantine is a different experience altogether - completely visceral...all over. His AI rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody was genius and unstoppable and his retro Partridge Family homage of I Think I Love You was completely meltworthy. This guy is completely sexy AND he can sing. I am eagerly awaiting his solo works.

This season, though, it's all about Elliott Yamin. And, just for the record here, my fascination with him is more akin to my Clay-adoration -- strictly musical. Although, in addition to having a lovely voice, there is something else about Elliott that I just love. He just comes across as this down-to-earth, very humble and likeable guy. He seems honest and sincere, without being sappy. He's the AI5 contestant I'd most like to sit down and have a beer with (especially in a karaoke bar so he can sing!). Paris Bennett was my early-on fave, when she was singing Billie Holliday tunes during her audition. But she doesn't really wow me unless she's doing the sort of older jazz classics, such as "These Foolish Things" last week.

And the contestant I most love to hate? Well that'd be mink-in-residence Kellie Pickler. Can this girl get any dumber? No? I didn't think so.