well, that didn't take long...

Little did I know, that a mere eight hours after I wrote this post, Skylar left my bar after enjoying one Paulaner Thomasbrau and joined up with some friends at a different bar, where he proceeded to have four drinks.

The following night (which was last night), he sat up at my bar after his shift and I asked him if he'd like a Paulaner. He looks up and says, "Actually, I'm going to throw you for a loop."

"Oh really? What kind of a loop?" (and in my head I was willing him to ask for an Italian Soda).

"I'd like to have a Terminal Gravity IPA," Skylar tells me.

"You sure about that?" I venture, hating being in this position, "You know the peeps are going to razz you for this, right?"

"Oh, I know," he confirms.

"Okay, well, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into."

I feel like such a hypocrite engaging in this discourse. I'm a drinker. I don't want anyone trying to attempt to regulate my drinking and I feel like an ass questioning him without just serving him. He's an adult and can make his own decisions; if he makes bad decisions, that's not my problem, my fault or my business. My job is to make and serve drinks, not to question people about their drinking (unless it becomes excessive - in one sitting). But my questions come from a place of concern, not a place of judgment. Still, he deserves to be treated like anyone else who sits at my bar and wants a drink.

Not long after he's enjoying what I'm assuming is his first post-sobriety cerveza (I later learn that he'd imbibed the night before), our resident alcoholic, Janelle, bellies up alongside him and starts in on her first one of what will likely be around eleventy drinks before she calls it a night. They start in chatting and sharing "wasted" stories. My back is to them, as I'm on my computer running reports and getting ready to do my end-of-the-night books. I can overhear every word they're saying (one of the pluses - and minuses - about being a bartender). Skylar is feeding Janelle some hoo-ha about how some alcoholics can go back to drinking without losing control and some can't and that in AA they tell you that the only way to find out if you can learn to drink lightly or moderately is to "experiment" and see if you lose control or not.

Janelle giggles and offers up some of her stories of lost control. Skylar proceeds to tell her "his story." His realization that he was an alcoholic came after a multitude of drunken blackouts (an almost nightly occurrence for Janelle) and his realization that he drank just to get drunk, and not for any other reason. Which is why, he rationalized, he drank crappy beer then and why he is drinking "good beer" now. It was three and a half years ago that he climbed aboard the wagon and hadn't even fallen off.

Until now.

Now, he is conducting an "experiment."

Here I am, still wanting Calgon to take me away. I so don't want to be a part of any of this. Even though I've known my fair share of people who have fallen off the wagon, I don't think I've ever knowingly served them while they eased into this transition. I'm surprised at how uncomfortable I am in this role. Overhearing Skylar and Janelle's conversation, I find myself feeing really sad for them and about them.

It's so difficult to listen to Skylar rationalize his drinking, almost as though he is performing a rehearsed speech. After having two beers last night and two tonight (before seeking adventure elsewhere - as my barback, he knows how I feel about employees overindulging at my bar and staying long past their welcome), I'm certain that this will now become a nightly habit...not THAT big of a deal, I suppose, as it's a nightly habit for many (myself included), but I know that his track record of not getting sloppy is not so great and that he is currently nursing some serious pain - it's just not a very great combo for a break in over three years sobriety. I just have a feeling that this could get really ugly.

I hope I'm wrong.